If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
