i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
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He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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