If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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