I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
