Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
