Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
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i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
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Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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