Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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