by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
