not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
