She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize