Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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