Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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