I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
