i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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