On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
