I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
