So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think I just sharted jello shots
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