# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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