cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
