I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
