i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
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Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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