every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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