I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
