I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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