My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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