hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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