Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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