im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
