I met the friendliest cop last night
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
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he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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