You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
