Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
