The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am one with the molecules
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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