Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
