Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
