my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think I just sharted jello shots
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
