you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
