My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
