Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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