you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
