sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
God I need to hump something, right now.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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