first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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