I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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