Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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