wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
