I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
