My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
