You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
