i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
