Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
