I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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