I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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