apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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