and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
