This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
