So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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