Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
