my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
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