I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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